good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
