every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My vagina just recognized that song.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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