He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
