I have demons in me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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