The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
