i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
