Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
