carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
