At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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