Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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