Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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