Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Still dying that you shit outside
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
