there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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