you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
