Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
