I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
