There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
