Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
