apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this beer tastes like vomit already
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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