You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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