Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
