Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
