Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
