only if we run a train.
done.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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