Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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