I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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