why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
