yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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