just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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