The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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