I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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