my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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