Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
