the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
