Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
