Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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