Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
