Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
