my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
