As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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