"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
