You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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