Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
