I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize