i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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