There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
