idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
