Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
