i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
