dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
