Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
