OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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