I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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