So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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