it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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