Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
where are you?
Hypothermia
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
