Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
