I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fill condoms, not promises.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
