quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
