That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
