There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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