it's too hot outside to masturbate.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
