saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
