I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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