ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
