Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
