I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
