I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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