True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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