i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
