Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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