he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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